Welcome to Empirical Purple

A blog by Simon Brady to cover a surprisingly wide range of geekiness, in a combination that no-one else does quite the same way. Probably. Either that, or it'll just be Simon talking about the likes of Football (usually the Soccer variety), PC & Tabletop Gaming, WWE, Movies, Music and occasionally even my actual job of Graphic Design, depending on what I'm up to in the world.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Hilarious Americans

By 'hilarious', I of course mean 'stupid', as well as ignorant, vitriolic and polarised.

I figured I'd illustrate this with Patriot, from J. Michael Straczynski's excellent 'Rising Stars' series. I would have used Captain America, but just couldn't bring myself to tarnish old Cap's reputation.

After flicking through Wikipedia, diving through a few links as a timesink, I find that they're even open to showing who has criticised them, which is a fairly noble ideal, if a little odd (bit like Wikipedia itself, really). There are a lot of things wrong with a wiki, particularly such a massive one as Wikipedia, but ultimately it's a good thing to have in the world.

Unfortunately, it seems, that in the United States, and increasingly in the United Kingdom, that you can't be pro-something without being anti-something else. It seems people are ever-more defined by what they're against in specific terms, rather than what they're for in general terms.

So, Conservapedia is the answer, obviously, to Wikipedia's woes. Attacking 'Liberal bias', by promoting Conservative bias (and attacking Liberal bias at every opportunity, too). Sarah Palin is a great good-old gal, atheism is the cause of obesity as abortion is the cause of breast cancer, Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim socialist communist fascist, Fox News is the true voice of America... all that sort of thing. Hilarious already, isn't it?

Wait, there's more.

Football (Association Football, that is) is a socialist sport. No, really, a trustworthy encyclopedia says so. But why is that little list in there? Because it was posted (in a semi-humourous fashion) in one blog in June last year, and then taken up by another a week later. Together they make some convincing, if hilarious, arguments.

Though, as the American Thinker author himself points out:
The shred [of truth in the humour] here is that the sport's popularity is largely built in areas with little other choice -- and the rules [e.g. offside] do remove much of the risk-reward behavior other sports allow.
So by ignoring most of Europe and treating the rest of the world as some sort of Hispanic-Arabic-African conglomeration with no sports of their own, it is assumed there is no other option to play, simply because they don't have American Football, Baseball, Basketball and Ice Hockey - all essentially North American iterations of other sports (Rugby, Cricket, Volleyball and 'field' Hockey) - in the top five of the nation's games. But the world's earliest recorded history starts at 1492, of course, so nothing possibly could have developed before then, while modernity itself begins in 1776.

Whether it's sport, politics, economics, religion or anything else (except perhaps grasp of Geography), the Conservative section of the US is, of course, the only sane nation on a globe of insanity. Hilarious.


  1. If the prevalence of 0-0s is a testament to the socialist nature of the sport, is the disproportionate 3-1-0 system a sign of the gross excesses of capitalism?


  2. It used to be only 2 points for a win, so they upped the risk/reward factor by 50%!