Welcome to Empirical Purple

A blog by Simon Brady to cover a surprisingly wide range of geekiness, in a combination that no-one else does quite the same way. Probably. Either that, or it'll just be Simon talking about the likes of Football (usually the Soccer variety), PC & Tabletop Gaming, WWE, Movies, Music and occasionally even my actual job of Graphic Design, depending on what I'm up to in the world.



Monday, March 07, 2011

Manflu Strikes & Kuyt Scores!

I bet there's an evolutionary reason behind this. It probably goes something like this:

Back in the days when we had to hunt sabre tooth tigers just to stay alive, the men did the hunting. Spear in hand, a party of hardy warriors needed to be in tip-top condition to stay alive and slay the fearsome beasts.

If they were only fighting at 90% they were dead. No hunter, no gatherer, only a lonely woman with a bone through her hair multitasking cleaning the cave, keeping the fire going, watching the baby and their enormous club, thinking about what's for dinner, talking on the phone shaped like a shell, that sort of thing.

So, when men are hit by illness, our bodies are designed to take it hard, to make them realise that there's no hunting of the sabre tooths for them today, in order to preserve the species.

Besides, women are ill all the freaking time. They're used to being messed up by their own bodies with every passing of the moon. Men are used to being all awesome, all the time.

Except when they get a cold. So an entire gender sorta like The Miz, only with no immune system and not wearing a championship belt, except when we are. I think.

So yeah, to sum up: I had a cold over the weekend and felt like crap. But at least Liverpool dominated Man Utd all over the park on Sunday, which made me feel much happier.

Finally United have been found out, for two games in a row and three in there last five. Particularly in the Liverpool match, Michael Carrick has been exposed (for the umpteenth time, if you ask me) as a useless central midfielder. Sure, he can pass sideways very nicely, and even backwards, too. Somewhere he's got this reputation as a fabulous playmaking, quarterback distributor. Unfortunately he never leaves the centre circle and has no idea how to tackle or, indeed, pass forwards.

Scholes and Giggs, excellent servants though they are, are now way past their best and cannot lead a title charge on the strength of their own backs - substitutes at best. When Rooney doesn't play well, which is fairly often over the last 12 months, he's a petulant little thug. Beyond the ever-injured Ferdinand and the often-suspended Vidic, United have no competent and experienced central defenders.

Yet they're still on top of the Premiership and were unbeaten for over half the season. When Liverpool play that badly, we're flirting with relegation for half a season, before gallantly trying to claw back a Europa League qualifying position. The Premiership's Big Four has had a re-jig, and is probably now a Big Six, thanks to Liverpool not being awful any more (we somehow managed to drop out of the Big Four and then raise ourselves into the Big Six in the space of 6 months, which is pretty good going even by Man City and West Brom's standards of inconsistency).

Hopefully it'll be Arsenal for the title. That'll keep me any my mum happy, as well as infuriating Fergie for at least another season by not having that mythical 19th English League Championship.

2 comments:

  1. I'll make a Gooner of you yet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My Mum lived on Gillespie Road and both my parents went to Highbury Grammar School.

    It's not difficult, tbh. If she'd actually bothered to indoctrinate me as a youngster, rather than leave me to my own devices, Starblaydia would have been playing obviously Cescy Football for the last 7 years.

    ReplyDelete