Welcome to Empirical Purple

A blog by Simon Brady to cover a surprisingly wide range of geekiness, in a combination that no-one else does quite the same way. Probably. Either that, or it'll just be Simon talking about the likes of Football (usually the Soccer variety), PC & Tabletop Gaming, WWE, Movies, Music and occasionally even my actual job of Graphic Design, depending on what I'm up to in the world.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Have these got Better, or Worse?

I speak, of course, of the phenomenon that is Wrestlemania. No longer do I stay up until three or four in the morning after spending someone else's hard-earned cash on a PPV. Now I sit back, relax, and watch it at a convenient time.

First, the Rock did his thing. I was hoping for him to at least have dressed smartly, rather than just putting a tracksuit top over what he's been wearing on RAW for the last few weeks. It was obvious, it had a lot of pauses, but it's what the Rock does, so we love him for it.

The first match was set up thanks to the last PPV I blogged about. Edge is always great to watch, and the extra spectacle of Christian being in his corner (love that 'Peep Show' T-shirt) was great to see. The audience were definitely playing off what Edge and Alberto Del Rio were doing in the ring, and it was a great match to open with. Strange to see the winners of the Royal Rumble and one of the Elimination Chamber matches competing for the Smackdown! branded belt in the very first match, but again it was there to get the crowd pumping. Shame about bashing the Roller, though (Do it, Do it!).

Cody Rhodes... well, the less said about his gimmick, the better. It's amazing how someone disfigured, hiding his horrible, formerly gorgeous face from the world, wrestles in just a set of briefs. Not so shy after all. Rey Mysterio's Captain America costume was also only so-so, too. No real rhythm to the match, just Rey doing his high-flying thing, before Cody pounded on him for a bit as he took a breather, then back to the acrobatics. The long-hold superplex from the top rope was nice, though. Poor ending, for a poor match, with poor commentary.

The eight man 'battle' was totally and utterly pointless. That is all that needs to be said. Snoop's cameo skit with Teddy Long and Rock's skit with Eve were both of more relevance and interest than that piece of garbage. Pee-wee Herman was about as pointless. Strike One.

Randy Orton has been on a long road from being the good guy, to an idiot, and back to some positive heat. CM Punk, on the other hand, has gone from hardcore smart fan favourite to random idiot with am even more random crew of black T-shirted totally not DX followers. We had one match of Del Rio working Edge's arm, then Rhodes and Mysterio working each other's knee and face, respectively, and then this one, of working Orton's knee. We get it, WWE, injured limbs and body parts can be exploited. Very good, move on. If we actually had any hold specialists left in their locker, it could have been better utilised. Still, nice to see Orton pick up the win, and we'll see if he can be the face in a future title match.

Nice to see Jerry Lawler get his Wrestlemania moment, sort of, but oh dear god that Anonymous RAW General Manager gimmick with the e-mails is still completely ludicrous. How battered must Steve Austin be, too, to need a ride down to the ring, pull a few stunners, drink some beer, then ride off? A boring match, thanks to Michael Cole, made pointless by the raft of gimmicks. Strike Two.

Next up, the Undertaker's annual wheeling out from the old people's home in order to defend his streak, combined with Triple H seeing how long he can hold water in his mouth for. The Undertaker's four minute entrance was longer than the 8-man squash match, and that was very nearly Strike Three. Were it not for Taker's incredible match against Shawn Michaels in WC25, I'd have switched off by now. The idea of this, of course, was to capture some of that magic again, but Triple H, for all his ability, is no HBK. Most of the time, it was two old men laying on the floor recovering, in between spots of awesome. The Undertaker certainly deserved his ride out of the arena, though.

It's hard not to root for either John Morrison and Trish Stratus, but when they have their 'celebrity' tag team partner in some tubby short bint from Jersey Shore, it's not difficult to vote for 'all mangled and killed'. At least it was mercifully short, once the Chick Kick, Starship Pain and some random cartwheel into back-flip round-off thing came out.

To the Main Event, the Miz's pre-match promo was a very good one, while John Cena's tribute to God giving him his talent was totally choke-worthy. Makes me glad he lost, in fact, as it was the most self-serving 'look at me, I'm humble' crap I've seen in a long while. Go Miz! As for the match itself... well, the less said about that, the better. Again, the Main Event doesn't live up to it's billing.

But at least Cena didn't win yet another match at Wrestlemania. His continual victories were getting rather boring. Much nicer to see the Rock standing victorious at the end - let's see that again in Miami in a year's time, thank-you very much.

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